Exhausted

On Wednesday after work I stopped at the Wisconsin house and it did not go how I thought.

Jon had told me that he would take care of somethings before he and Gus left...he didn't. So, I spent about an hour at the house walking though each room (what I thought I would do) and collecting everything that Jon left behind (outlet protectors, the items that the movers stated they wouldn't take, heaving the safe and dehumidifier out of the house and into the Jeep). The one thing that really got me mad is that Jon said that he would remove some decorations from Gus' nursery that were remembrances of Oscar, Bella and Tittle. They were still on the wall. The only "tool" I had with me to remove them was a paring knife. So, I did the best I could to remove them, but now we need to hire painters to repair and repaint. I didn't get to take a leisurely walk through each room and dwell on the fact that Gus' dirty hand prints were on some of the walls, or reflect on where I was sitting the first time we watched the slideshow that our NILMDTS photographer created for us. Backing out of the driveway I began to cry, but that was it. I quickly had to pull over to adjust the stuff rattling around the back of the Jeep, and then I drove away. Part of me is sad that I didn't have the huge emotional release that I thought I'd have, but part of me is glad that, for the most part, I left the house knowing it was a house.

The drive to Iowa was terrible. It was incredibly windy, so at times it was difficult to keep the car in my lane, but the biggest thing was how tired I got. I had to stop quite a few times to wake myself up, but I finally made it around 11pm. Gus and Jon were "camping" in the living room: Jon on an air mattress and Gus on an exercise mat. I tried to get ready for bed quickly and crawled onto the air mattress next to Jon. I did not sleep very well at all. Every time Jon rolled over, it work me up. Gus woke up around 2:30am to tell Jon to go blow his nose (Jon was really snoring). We awoke after 7am and waited for the movers to arrive, which they did around 11am.

We tried our best to stay out of the way, but I was thrilled when they brought the couches in so that we had someplace better to sit than the fireplace hearth. I was also thrilled when I realized that Jon had brought a throw blanket with him, so I grabbed that and cuddled under it since the movers needed to keep the doors open to expedite moving stuff from the truck to the house. I eventually fell asleep on the couch while the movers were working. By the time I awoke they were almost done. Jon signed some paperwork, the movers left, and there we were with a house full of boxes that needed to be unpacked.

We started with Gus' room, and that went pretty well, but then Jon wanted me to start on the kitchen. It was just too overwhelming, so Jon had to take over that room. I hadn't spent much time in the kitchen yet, and it seemed like there were just too many choices for how we could organize it. So, when Jon came in, I told him that I didn't even know where to start. He told me to go rest on the couch, which I gladly did. We spent the rest of Thursday, Friday and today trying to find a balance between unpacking and playing with Gus, so we haven't gotten as far as I would have liked, but I'm just going to have to be okay with that. There are still 2-4 boxes that need to be unpacked for the kitchen, but for the most part, we have a functioning kitchen. This means we can stop going out to eat for almost every meal!!

This morning was definitely a hard one, and I'm glad that Jon let me rest as much as I did. Gus woke up at 6:15am and woke me up. We let Jon sleep in while we headed out to the living room. I waited as long as I could, but eventually I NEEDED to eat breakfast. I got my breakfast stuff ready, and while doing that, Jon woke up. Gus said he wasn't ready to eat yet, so Jon and I ate while he played in the dining room around us. After breakfast (TMI warning), I headed to the bathroom. I need to strain some to have my BM and when I wiped there was blood. It was only the paper for 2 wipes, but that's definitely not something I ever want to see during pregnancy. So, I finished up, walked out to the living room, immediately laid down on the couch and told Jon there was blood. A little while later the TV guy arrived to set that up (side note: this is the first time in my entire life that I've ever paid for TV; I'm annoyed that we can't get over-the-air channels). Jon advised that I go into our bedroom and rest, so that the TV guy felt more comfortable doing the work he needed to do. I fell asleep and Jon woke me up around 9:30am. The whole rest of the day I tried to be horizontal as much as possible. While Gus napped, I fell asleep on the couch and slept for another couple hours. There has been no more blood, but that doesn't mean that it didn't scare me and make me so nervous. I'm still fearful that something could go wrong at any moment, but for now, there was the one episode of blood after straining...it's no the most unusual think during pregnancy, as this happened with Gus, though later in pregnancy. I'm hoping I just have a friable cervix again and that's all it is.

I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. We have tomorrow with Jon still home with us, and then he starts his new job. I'm not really sure how this is all going to work out with me being so tired all the time. Gus is so excited to start Mama School and I have nothing planned whatsoever. We have our internet and computer all set up, but not our printer, so I'm not able to print off any resources or activities yet. I hope he's not too sad if we need to postpone Mama School for a week. Hopefully this coming week I'll be able to have him be a good helper with unpacking, we'll explore one thing about the town each day, find a nearby park that I feel comfortable walking to and be able to nap while he naps so that I can be rested for when he is awake and wants me to play.