Pre-Christmas Thoughts

I'm not really looking forward to Christmas this year, which isn't usual. Jon is looking forward to Christmas this year, which isn't usual. Does that mean we'll have an unusual Christmas?

Lucy's Birth Story

For those who want the details, here is Lucy's entrance to the world.

I am still here

No, I have not abandoned this blog. I have the beginnings of several posts in my head, but rarely do I find the time, have the energy and access to the computer all at the same time.

Lucy is 7w old now. While I'm still tired, I don't feel as much like a zombie. Gus is usually a super helpful big brother and adjusting to having a living sibling. We just celebrated Thanksgiving and are gearing up for Christmas...I'm not looking forward to it (hopefully more on that in a future post).

I'm doing a good job, I think, of keeping up with reading others' blogs, it's just writing on my own that's been put on the back burner for a little bit. To those that are still reading, thank you. I will return!

She's Here!

I'm not sure when I'll have the chance to post her entire birth story, but Lucy arrived on Friday, October 10 after a successful induction!!!

A Couple of Updates

It seems that time is flying by, and going slowly, at the same time, so I thought it best to do an update post.

Lucy's 2nd Trip to L&D

This morning I had an appointment at the Diabetes Center located at the same hospital that I will be delivering Lucy. The appointment was at the same time that I usually have an appointment for my NST's on Mondays and Fridays. Usually, Lucy kicks me on the drive to the hospital. This morning she didn't.

The Artist Has Been Found

Thank you to my husband and CSmith78, we know who the artist is of the picture in my last post. The name of the piece is Lost Child, and the artist is Farhad Foroutanian. Apparently he created the piece for UNICEF in the late 2007.

I've sent an email to the email shown on his website to ask about a commissioned piece, but I have not heard anything back from him :(

Have you seen this picture?

Diary of a Little Chicken posted this picture on her most recent blog post. She found the picture from someone that posted it in a forum, and she doesn't know where it originally came from.

I desperately want to find the artist to see if he/she would be able to customize a piece to represent our family.

I know I don't have a huge readership, but I'm hoping that someone, somewhere knows something that can help me find the artist. It looks like the artist's name may be in the lower right-hand corner, but nothing that I'm entering into Google is returning any promising result.

Thanks for any help or suggestions!

Break down last Monday

Last Monday I had a scheduled phone call with the maternity program offered through my insurance company. The only reason I even signed up for hte program was because if I go all the way through, I get $50. I usually find the phone calls not helpful at all, but there are not that many, and they're not that long, so I figure it's worth my time. Right now, I'm wishing I never signed up for the program, but grateful I did all at the same time.

I needed a break

I needed a break from thinking and trying to process my emotions, thus my lack of posting.

Gus' first day of school

Today was Gus' first day of school, and I think I did better than expected.

We officially have a preschooler

Gus is now 4 years old. I can no longer be deluded and think that he's still a toddler. On Thursday, Gus will attend his first day of pre-K and I'm already all emotional about it. Gus was in day care and preschool prior to our move, so it's not feelings of him being away from me or anything like that which are causing my emotions to run amok. I think it's more the fact that he'll be going to pre-K at the local elementary school, with teachers that are certified by the state to teach him, with a principal!

Flu vaccines

I've mostly calmed down since Thursday. I'm still sad, but am also annoyed, angry and hurt.

What Oscar's and Bella's birthday looked like

Thank you to all that commented on my last post for Oscar's and Bella's birthday.

5 years ago today

5 years ago today I held two amazing people: Oscar and Bella.

Getting Too Real

Things are getting too REAL in several areas and it's totally making me feel on edge.

Fireworks

Today is Independence Day. The day to celebrate the birth of a nation? The day to commemorate the people in the 1770's who decided to rebel and break away from England? The day to take a day off work to relax, barbecue and watch fireworks? Whatever this day means to you, today has a very different meaning, and feeling, for me.

Viability

**There are 2 bump pics at the end of the post, so if you're sensitive to them, please be warned.**

Today Lucy is viable as we are 24 weeks pregnant. I'm not feeling the small sense of relief that I was expecting.

I've been purposefully not writing about approaching today because I didn't want to jinx anything and have something go terribly wrong. While nothing has gone wrong, I had a scary day yesterday, so am not feeling any relief whatsoever.

Yesterday I felt contractions 13 times, and four of those were during my 20-minute shower. They only occurred while I was standing, but any contractions this early are scary. I tried to sit as much as possible yesterday, which meant a lot of TV for Gus. He didn't care, but I didn't feel like the best parent ever. I read up on Braxton Hicks contractions and decided that I needed to make sure I wasn't dehydrated. I'm usually not a "thirsty" person, so getting 64oz of fluids in each day is a real challenge, and I'm usually happy if I get 40. So, yesterday I made sure to drink, drink, drink. I also told Jon what was going on around noon, so he knew that I would want to sit on the couch for as much as possible when he was home.

After pushing fluids (by the time I went to bed I had consumed 60oz), I noticed that I wasn't having as many, but my nerves were still on edge. This morning, I had 2 contractions during my shower and already had plans to call the OB's office when they opened at 8:30am. While leaving the message for the nurse, the receptionist suggested I keep resting until I spoke with the nurse. She called back about 1.5hours later and said that 13 BH in 24 hours is a lot less than is typical during pregnancy, that I need to make sure I stay hydrated, and that I rest when I can.

So, I've been plopped on the couch or the floor, watching TV and playing board games with Gus today. And as of right now (3pm central time) I've had 44oz of fluid, and have only had 3 contractions all day. But, they only happen when I'm standing and I've done very little of that. I mean, I can't just stay on the couch for the next 15 weeks! So, I'm going to make a bigger effort to drink at least 60oz of fluid each day, which is difficult because I don't want to drink juice (all the carbs that I'd need to take insulin for) or a bunch of artificial sweeteners (I know they're safe in moderation, but 60oz a day during pregnancy isn't something I'm willing to risk), and I don't like plain water. So, if anyone out there has any ideas of how to help me drink more water, I'll gladly take suggestions!

This is not the post I wanted to have for reaching 24w. I wanted to be able to say how excited I was that we've reached this milestone. I wanted to say that I know we have a long way to go before we want Lucy to be born, but I was happy that we've reached viability. And while I do feel those things, the feeling of how I don't trust my body is stronger than those happier feelings.

That's Gus' hand. As much as he said he was sad that he wasn't
getting a brother, he sure does seem to love Lucy.

Liebster Award

Fur Momma has nominated me for a Liebster Award! I've never been nominated for one before, so it's taken me a few days to actually come up with this post. I'm also grateful that she's given me an outlet to think of something other than "regular" life.

The P17 drama, anatomy scan and Firefly

I wrote the following on May 29, saved it as a draft to finish later in the day, and never returned to it. You'll understand why as you continue reading.

Calming Down, or Just Defeated

I'm still waiting for a call from the specialty pharmacy, but I'm much more confident that I'll be getting the P17 meds next week.

Follow-up to Furious

As I wrote yesterday, we've been having issues getting the P17 injections, and it felt like my doc wasn't advocating for me. To those that commented on my last post, if we weren't happy with what we heard today we were going to get a consult from the other OB who says he handles high-risk pregnancies. We now live in a small town, so there aren't that many options for OB's that handle cases like mine, and the nearest MFM is almost 2 hours away.

Furious

That's how I've been feeling since 17w6d. Yes, this all happened at the exact gestational age that Oscar and Bella were born and died.

Brain Dump

There's so much going on in my head, and with my adjustment to being a SAHM, I'm finding it difficult, time-wise, to get it out here. So, it's Saturday afternoon, I'm still in my pajamas, Gus was put to bed by Jon and he's downstairs exercising. So, hopefully I can clear some thoughts from my brain.

2014 International Bereaved Mother's Day

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day. I'm glad that this day exists, but I wish it didn't have to.

Trying not to freak out

I've been on progesterone suppositories since 2dpo. My RE prescribed me to take them through 16w, since that's when I'd start P17 injections. Now, all that's in jeopardy.

Bean Update: 15w

Yesterday we reached 15w pregnant with Bean and we had a doc appointment in the morning.

2014 National Infertility Awareness Week

Yesterday began the 2014 National Infertility Awareness Week.
This year's theme is Resolve to know More.

It's been too long

I don't even know where to begin. It seems like life is moving at 200mph and 0mph all at the same time.

Exhausted

On Wednesday after work I stopped at the Wisconsin house and it did not go how I thought.

Last day in Wisconsin

Today is my last day in Wisconsin. Jon, Gus and Pardus (the cat) left this morning while the movers were still loading our belongings into the truck.

My last group

It really hasn't sunk in that Wednesday will be my last day at work, in our house or in WI.

9w2d-History Did Not Repeat Itself

9w2d: January 25, 2010. I had some spotting over the weekend, was very scared and needed an u/s to confirm what was going on. Our fertility clinic was able to get us in right away, so Jon and I headed out the door.  Dr. O began the u/s and Jon knew right away that something wasn't right. He only saw one beating heart instead of two. Our Tittle was dead.

This Move is Getting Real

We've had three showings on our house since it was put on the market on February 27. The last showing was on Sunday. Yesterday we received an offer.

Needing a Constant

Friday Jon did pick-up and drop-off with Gus. He said, in the morning, that he would start dinner after they got home from school. I walked in the door and the kitchen was empty and quiet.

Feeling all over the place

7w6d, almost 8w, and feeling scared, terrified and guilty.

We have a heartbeat

That's right, we have a, one, single, solo heartbeat with baby measuring 6w5d (I'm 7w0d today).

I hate high stress

We came to a verbal acceptance on Thursday on the house!!!!! Now it's scheduling the inspection and radon test and working on securing financing.

It's Official...and One More Week

All pre-employment hurdles have been cleared. We are writing an offer on a house in Iowa. We are listing our current home for sale to be on the market next week.

Fears of Moving

I don't even know where to start. It feels like there are so many things that need to happen in such a short amount of time that I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by them, as well as thinking about our life after the move.

Looks like we're moving to Iowa

And there it is. We are 98% sure that we will be moving to Iowa. I've lived in Wisconsin my entire life, and now I'll be moving to Iowa. I'll be picking up with my family and move to a town of 4,000 that is 4.5 hours away from where we currently live. I am terrified, but that's a whole other post.

Road Trip

Today we begin the road trip for Jon's interview. You know, the one in a completely different state. We're planning on leaving around 8:15am, stopping for lunch, letting Gus nap in the van, and arriving in town around 2pm.

Why can't Jon get support?

There is a secret group on facebook that is for people from our local support group that are pregnant with their rainbows. The day we found out we were pregnant with Bean, Jon asked if I was okay if he made a request to join the group (note: Jon and I share a fb account). We were added by one of the two administrators, we (both) were welcomed to the group. Then, on Friday, we were sent a message from the other administrator asking that Jon not post or respond to anything in the group because it's only for women.

Firefly's Unfulfilled Due Date

Today was Firefly's functional due date. Because of my Type 1 diabetes, if I hadn't delivered by today (39w) I would be induced.

Internet HPT's suck (at least in my experience)

So, this morning I woke up promptly at 3:16am due to my insulin pump alarming that my blood sugar was low. I got up, tested (I really was low), drank juice and crawled back into bed having to pee.

So, I tested early

After infertility group I got home (around 7:45pm) and told Jon that if I was testing early (he's been wanting me to test since Saturday) I needed to test then because I had to pee.

1.5 more days

In one-and-a-half days I'll be able to take my HPT and (hopefully) know, with relative certainty, whether or not I'm pregnant.

1 week down and 1 to go

I'm now one week through my TWW and I'm still as anxious as ever.

Still waiting

I thought I was doing okay during this wait, but I don't think I'm doing as well as I had hoped.

Honoring Tittle

January 25 marks four years. Four years since we were told by the high-risk clinic that we couldn't come in for an ultrasound because "it would provide no useful information." Four years since we called our fertility clinic and they got us in right away. Four years since we had an ultrasound and discovered that Tittle's heart was no longer beating.

And now we wait...

As decided, I took the trigger on Monday night. Last night I was awakened a few times while rolling over in bed due to ovary pain. This morning was our IUI.

Feeling completely deflated

This morning's appointment was not what we had hoped it would be.

We're almost there

I had another appointment yesterday (Saturday). The scan went well, the blood draw was okay and we entered the tight-rope walk that is me during fertility treatments.

Good and Bad

Today's u/s and labs were both good and bad.

Crying at the blood draw station

Yesterday was our u/s #2 after starting follistim. I did not want a repeat of Sunday's blood draw, so I've been trying to drink, drink, drink.

So grateful for Gus

This weekend was really nice. We didn't necessarily do anything all that great, but it was just nice, we spent time together and had a good time.

U/S and Vein blow-out

I've only had 2 days of follistim, so I knew that there wouldn't be any break-out follicles yet, but overall, I was pleased with my scan this morning. The blood draw, not so much.

Change of Schedule

So, I got home last night around 6pm, was greeted by Jon and Gus and took my follistim kit out of the refrigerator so I could check the log. My cartridge was at -25 units...

Stupid F***ing Weather

I ordered my follistim and ovidrel yesterday for delivery today because my first injection is tonight. Delivery was supposed to happen by 3pm (15 minutes ago). Where are my meds? Indianapolis.

Here we go again

After taking a break over the holidays from thinking or talking about when to go back to fertility treatments, we are starting injections tomorrow. The last we REALLY spoke, Jon was going to take his meds until February and we wouldn't start treatments until after that. Well, obviously, that's all changed.

Happy New Year! No, not really

I hate that phrase. I hear it and read it every year, and every year it makes me cringe inside. Oscar's and Bella's due date was January 1, 2010.

2013 Christmas

Monday (Dec. 23) was a regular work day for us, so it was a nice buffer as we headed into the holiday.