Unexpected Trigger

I was triggered in a new way during my exercise class last night. We were working on the instructed exercise, and when we were finished the instructor said, "I've never seen such determination. You're ding great!" Then, at the end of class, he praised us again for our determination and work during class and that we should give two other people in class high fives.

While holding my plank (his first comment), it just struck me how invisible emotional determination is. I doubt he's ever seen the determination of a bereaved parent hold it together at work, the store or a family gathering to not break down in sobs. I doubt he's ever seen teh determination of a bereaved parent to try to create non-sad memories on a child's birth or death day. I doubt he's ever seen the determination of a bereaved parent wake up each and every day and live a life with pieces of a heart missing. I take it back, he has seen it, he just doesn't know he's seen it.

So, to all my fellow bereaved parents who are determined every day to figure out how to live this life, I give you high fives. I give you hugs. I say: You made it another day. Great job.

It's been 3 months

Yes, it has been three months since my last post. I feel bad guilty that I have not been making time for me, but when you move, have a traveling husband, birthdays to plan for and school starting, I guess that doesn't leave room for me time, though it should.