Not doing too well

 So, back in April I started a new med, Abilify. I think it's another med that I won't be able to take due to negative side effects.

I started taking it at night, and it takes me forever to fall asleep, and I wake up a lot, fuzzy brain during the day. The tricky thing is that about 2 weeks after I started Abilify, Jon lost his job, so was my insomnia caused by the med or the stress of Jon's job? After a med check last Wednesday, I was told to start taking it in the morning, to see if that made a difference.

I messaged on Monday evening, and the new plan is that I'm back to half a pill, instead of a full pill, and continue to take it in the morning until my next med check in mid-July, which will be two days before I can see my counselor. I will be so glad when I can see him regularly, instead of hoping and waiting there will be a cancellation that opens up and I can take.

I also found out today that the man who murdered my uncle and his fiancé has died. He filed three appeals after the initial conviction; one is still open as it was just filed about a month ago. I'm upset. Part of me is glad he's dead, but I wish he would have lived long enough to have the third appeal denied, then spend some time in jail, then died. I know this doesn't make me an awesome person, and vindictive, but he took two lives! He deserves to suffer little bit for that, right?

So, being tired all the time, not sleeping well, and then getting this news...I'm a little bit of a mess tonight.

Firefly's 9th

 Yesterday was 9 years since it was confirmed we would not be bringing home another baby.  We watched a family movie after dinner (Upside Down Magic), Lucy wrote a note that she burned in the fire, an then we roasted marshmallows and had s'mores. It wasn't s huge thing, but it was what we could do this year.

Sparklers, like we've done in years past, just didn't feel right to me this year, so that's why we did the fire and s'mores. I loved that Lucy wrote her own note to Firefly, but it makes me sad that this is Lucy's reality. That she has a mom who misses other children. That she has siblings she will never get to know.

Firefly, I hope you felt our love yesterday, and every day. I hope you are happy with how we honored you yesterday. I love you. Mom.