Things are getting too REAL in several areas and it's totally making me feel on edge.
Jon and I attended our birth class this past Saturday. It was a 6-hour class held at the hospital where we'll deliver Lucy. Yes, we've delivered before, but not at this hospital, so I really wanted to hear the instructor, hear about the hospital, hear what the common practices were, get the tour of the birth center and make sure my questions got answered to clear up any misaligned expectations I would have for delivery. Since then, I've been really on edge. We're 27w tomorrow, and it doesn't help that over the weekend I didn't make sure I had enough water, so had a LOT of BH on Sunday. There's just such a long way to go before we really want Lucy to arrive, so to have any type of contractions makes me nervous. Plus there's all the stuff we need to do/buy! Her room is still stockpiled with unpacked boxes of clothes and shoes from our move. We don't have anything pulled up from the basement (clothes). We haven't begun buying any diapers, to try to buy them on sale. We don't have a baby book for her yet. We're just not ready emotionally to do all that yet, but I know this stuff is not going to happen overnight. And what about Gus?
Who the hell is going to watch Gus while we're at the hospital? We confirmed that Gus is not allowed in the delivery room during pushing or during procedures. If we don't have anyone to watch him, he and Jon will have to stay in the waiting area! We're slowly meeting some people, but we certainly don't know anyone nearly well enough to ask them to take care of Gus, perhaps bring him to school and pick him up, or come by at 2am, if that's when we need to head to the hospital. I just hope he really makes some new friends quickly once school starts.
And then there's school! Gus' first day in the classroom for Pre-K is August 21, which means we need to start school shopping. But with that also comes the school shopping that we'll be doing for Oscar's, Bella's and Tittle's donations. I was really hoping that we'd be able to do that in August, but it looks like we might need to start in July, as we will shortly run out of time in August, especially with Gus' birthday right before school starts.
I'm still having guilt about not being able to have a party for him with friends, but know that throwing a party for the acquaintances that we know would feel even worse. So, Jon and I need to come up with some EVENT that we're going to do with Gus or take Gus to. The only problem is that I don't even know what to look for or where to start looking?
And then there's Jon's mom coming to visit...this weekend. I am REALLY not looking forward to this. In 2009, she made a big fuss about her birthday (yes, a grown woman with grown children made a huge deal about how she needed to have cards sent, phone calls made and a family get-together for her birthday). One week after her birthday Oscar and Bella were born. I'm not going to say that her drama caused my pre-term labor, but her birthday is not one I pay attention to in July anymore. So, having her come this weekend could be emotionally draining on me. Not only do I not want to see her in July, I don't want to see her the weekend before her birthday or anytime close to Oscar's and Bella's. I've already told Jon that he needs to be okay with the fact that there may be times during the weekend that I just need to go and be by myself.
One "good" thing, is that I think I've found a food pantry to donate our grocery shopping donation to. I contacted a community outreach center yesterday, explained why I was looking for a local food pantry and got their phone number. They are only open 4 hours a week, so I'm really hoping that I can call them tomorrow when they're open and make sure they're the right food pantry for us, as we want to make sure they accept perishable items.
It just seems like there's so much to do, that I want to take my time to plan and think about and cherish, but there's not enough time to take the time to really plan them out, let them ruminate in my mind and make sure I'm doing what feels best to do.