Next weekend, Stephanie (a friend that that I met since moving to Iowa) and I are going to leave on Friday morning to head Wisconsin and will return on Sunday. This will be the longest I've been away from Gus and the first time I'll be away from Lucy.
Initially the trip was planned with the intent of being fitted for new bras. There is a place where the bra fitters are SO GOOD that they just have to look at you to know your size. A friend brought me about a month after Gus was born to be fitted for nursing bras and I haven't been fitted since. Stephanie is almost done nursing her youngest and has never been professionally fitted. So, off we go.
Since that initial reason to go, I realized that I've never really said good-bye to Madison. When we moved I thought that we'd stay in touch with our friends (which hasn't happened), and with it only being a 5h drive, we'd surely head back to visit (we've only been back once). So, this trip will be my final farewell. Stephanie has never been, so it's nice that everything is new to her and I get to have one last meal at some of my favorite non-chain restaurants.
Jon doesn't understand why I'm going. He's been away from the family for so many work trips, times that he didn't want to be away, so he doesn't understand why I'm choosing to go away. He doesn't understand why I need a break from the kids and him. It hurts that he thinks I need to go away and be by myself when he's always hated going on his trips. I don't think Jon will ever understand, and it's so hard to explain. Until I was a SAHM, I wouldn't have understood it either.
I'm with Lucy and/or Gus pretty much 24/7. Yes, Jon is an active father and does do his share of being with the kids, but all day long, every day, I'm usually 3rd or 4th on the list of who needs to be taken care of. I need to attend to Lucy and Gus, they're kids and can't take care of themselves, so my needs get pushed down. I would love to drive to DSM and go to the mall and browse all day, but that would be horrible for Lucy and wouldn't work Gus' drop-off and pick-up from school.
So, for me, it's not so much as running away from the family to be by myself, it's about putting me first for a couple days that just happen to be away from home. I wish it were easier to put myself first while at home. I'll have to spend some time thinking about how I can start to put myself first more often at home with our regular routine, but it's starting with this trip next weekend. I'm not looking forward to being away from home and my family, but I am looking forward to not having to worry about what anyone else wants except for me (and Stephanie, of course).