What follows below are my completely unedited thoughts after seeing The Shack tonight.
I'm hurt. I'm sad. I miss my kids. In the movie they talk about forgiving the person that killed Missy. How do you forgive when you are the one that killed your kids? How do I let go of this pain so that I can have more joy, so that I can stop living in the past. How do I balance that with not leaving Oscar, Bella, Tittle and Firefly behind? I want to be able to see them like Mack got to see Missy. I want to know that they are okay and that they know I love them and that I didn't leave Oscar and Bella alone to die without me and with a stranger.
How do I forgive me friend who said she couldn't see this movie because it would stick with her? How nice it would be to have a choice of whether or not you experiencing the deaths of kids.
And those around me in the theater crying. I doubt they were crying because they know exactly what it feels like to hand over the bodies of their kids outside the door of the morgue at the hospital. They imagine what it is like, but they have no idea what the actual pain is. And I do not want them to know. I want them to have a realization that there are people that have lived this type of pain, are living this type of pain, and she is sitting next to them in the theater, or selling them their morning coffee or it is their co-worker that they speak to every day of the week.
And whether or not you believe in the religious component or not, there are truths that we can make happen. We do not have to go through this pain alone. We can reach out to support each other....if we choose to. If we choose to open our hearts to each other, allow their pain into us so that they don't have to carry it inside letting it overpower everything. Accepting someone else's pain is difficult. It is uncomfortable. It is an intimate experience, but it is a choice-the pain of child loss is not. I didn't choose and say, yes, take my kids so that I may live a lifetime of pain. I, we, need to try to choose love.
There will be pain when choosing love, but it is opening oneself to someone else's pain so that their pain is lessened. Imagine that world. A world where we work to lessen someone's pain instead of only trying to keep pain away from ourselves. Imagine how loved we would all feel if we didn't have to hide our pain, but we're asked to share it so it could be let out into open and into light, to be shouldered by not only one person, but that person is supported as the pain leaves a mark on us from which we are changed.
"Love always leaves a mark", but so does pain. By sharing our pain, we are sharing and encouraging love to grow.