Wednesday, December 18, 2013


Jon is on board fully recognizing Firefly, but he wants a better name than Firefly. He shared that there are names and there are animals. The animal is firefly, but that's not the name. I don't know how we're going to come up with a name, but we'll work on that, and when it feels right, we'll know. Until then, we will continue to use Firefly.

After Jon left Gus' room last night, and the lights were off, I talked with Gus. I shared with him that he'd probably see me cry more as Christmas got closer. I told him that a few months ago there was a baby in my body, but the baby died and wasn't inside me anymore. I asked him if it was okay to include that baby in his night-nights.

Gus asked some questions: Where is the baby? (With Oscar, Bella and Tittle) How did it die? (We don't know) How did it get out of my body? (With some blood). I told Gus that the baby didn't have a name yet, but it's animal was a firefly. I asked Gus if it was okay to use firefly in his night-nights until Jon and I come up with a name. He said yes, but after he suggested "Dead Baby". He said it so calmly, like it was just common place that babies are dead. This breaks my heart, because in his family, that's all he knows.

I don't know what's going to happen or the path we will take to incorporate Firefly into our family, but I know this, we will do it how it feels right for us. I also don't know what's going to happen with bringing home another rainbow, but I need to believe that my beautiful little boy, who is upstairs asleep right now will get to be a brother to a sibling on Earth. I just have to.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that "Dead Baby" sounds so normal to Gus. That's heartbreaking.