Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Pregnancy Test Dream

In hindsight, I know why I had the dream I did last night, but it didn't make the face of reality any easier to take.

This morning was two weeks since I last took a HPT at home; Jon and I agreed that we would test every two weeks until we went back to the fertility clinic for treatments. Last night I prepped everything to take a test this morning, and set it on the counter so I wouldn't forget this morning. I knew, in my head, that the test would be negative. When I saw my primary doctor on Dec. 11 she ran a urine pregnancy test prior to giving me some vaccinations, and that test came back negative, so I knew it wasn't very likely that this morning's test would be positive. Yet, I kept trying to find signs that indicated that I was pregnant. I think this all resulted in the dream that I had last night...I hope that someday what I dreamed, including the actual HPT that I used in the dream become reality.

Jon and I were on a vacation. We were in a really big house on a lake and we were vacationing with my sisters. In the dream it was a house I've never seen before, on a lake I've never seen before and my sisters were not my real sisters, but, you know, that's how dreams work sometimes. In the dream, Jon and I were still attempting a miracle pregnancy and, even though we were on vacation, it was time for my 2-week pregnancy test.

I took the test, replaced the cap on the test, set it down and waited. It turned positive!!!! I was so excited, more than thrilled. I then waited for the test to finish. This test was AWESOME and some company needs to come up with a digital pee stick that does what I dreamt. The test looked like a FRER digital test, but with a larger display. Initially, the display showed that I was pregnant, but then it started displaying my beta number. I can still visualize the counter counting all the way up to 76.

Now, this is where my thoughts diverge:
  1. This test would be great. I think this part of the dream was spurred by this test I recently saw online. How awesome would it be to, after peeing on a stick, not have to wait for a blood test to know what the beta is. And rather than spending $20 on a pregnancy test for a range, but to be given a specific number. Come on medical people, don't you know how agonizing it is to see that 2nd line, live in elation, and then find out hours later that your beta is really low? The infertile community needs this test I dreamed about so that we can have numbers immediately.
  2. I remember not liking that 76. I thought it was much too low for being 14dpo, and was heart-broken that we were going to experience another loss, like we did with Firefly. I remember Jon telling me that 100 was the average beta for a singleton pregnancy at 14dpo, but I was just so upset that my 76 was lower than average.
So, this morning, when the alarm went off, I was so saddened that my dream wasn't a reality. That I wasn't pregnant, that I didn't have an awesome test, and that I only had one line on the real HPT.


  1. Hugs. It's a disappointment even when you know you're not pregnant.

    What a neat pregnancy test idea! I'm sure some day they will have it! Clearblue Easy has one that estimates your weeks from conception...so I'm sure someone will come up with an HCG level soon!

  2. I'm so sorry for the negative. Hoping that you'll get a positive soon!