Why did I do that?

The person who has been the Secret Santa at work for the last few years is retiring, so I volunteered. Why?

In 2011, the first Christmas at my current place of employment, I really didn't want to participate in the Secret Santa, but I didn't want to completely exclude myself, either. Where I work, I'm part of HR, but I don't do any HR work, so I don't really interact with anyone. If I didn't participate in the Secret Santa, I felt as if I'd be secluding myself and I didn't want to do that. In 2011, we still weren't ready to put up a Christmas tree at home, so I certainly wasn't participating to get in the Christmas spirit. (We didn't put up a tree in 2009, 2010 or 2011), so, I decided that the best thing to do was participate in Secret Santa, but I request toys that would be age appropriate for Oscar, Bella and Tittle and then donate them to Toys for Tots.

This worked really well for me, but I think it made some of my co-workers uncomfortable. The person buying the gifts knew my intent, as I explained on my gift suggestion what I'd be doing. The co-workers who would excitedly ask me what I received each of the three days would then inquire why I was asking for toys, and I would explain. I think this made them uncomfortable.

This year, at the Holiday Luncheon on Wednesday, when this year's organizers (it rotates between 3 departments) were thanking Pat for delivering the gifts this year, it was commented that since she is retiring at the end of the year, we would need a new Santa delivery person. I thought, "I could be the Santa delivery person." I'll get to be involved in the Secret Santa, but won't have to actually participate in the gift-giving portion. So, today I volunteered. Unless something happens, I will be the person to deliver the 2014 Secret Santa gifts.

As I sat back down at my desk, the thought occurred to me: I might be on maternity leave in December. What a great delivery person I'll be...I won't even be there. It would be a great reason to not be there, to be home with another rainbow, but I feel quite irresponsible volunteering for something that I'm hoping I won't be able to fulfill.

I'm not really sure how to feel about that. Am I jinxing myself from getting pregnant by worrying about not being able to deliver these gifts?