My original appointment with a counselor was for February 4, but that morning I got a call stating the counselor I would be seeing was home ill. My appointment took place yesterday.
It was really just an intake appointment, so she had a bunch of questions to ask me and she'll use my answers as a starting point for future appointments. Two negatives about the appointment: 1. she's pregnant and due in May and 2. when I started crying she didn't offer me any tissues.
Regarding #1, there are two reasons that I think this is a negative. The first is that I think part of my emotions are due to the fact that Lucy is our last, feeling like the number of children that Jon and I have is largely dictated by the cost of infertility treatments, and that my reproduction is not in my hands-that the decision is made for me. The other is that I'm sure she'll be taking maternity leave, of some sort, when her baby is born, so what will happen while she's off work? Will I just not have appointments during that time? Will I swap counselors and then swap back when she returns?
Regarding #2, how hard is it to see a potential patient crying and not offer tissues when you had just used one? I know this is a petty thing, but if she's not in tune with me, then she might not be the best counselor for me. At the end of the appointment, we set up two more (March 31 and April 13) and we'll see how they go and if we think we are a good match.
There was a huge positive from the appointment. Unlike when I saw my grief counselor, and all we were working on was grief, I was asked if there was anything that I wanted to focus on right away in our sessions. So, rather than focusing on handling/dealing with grief, which will come up, I'm sure, it's an open book in terms of what we work on. The first thing I want to work on in the negative self-talk I have regarding my parenting. I'm hoping that by dealing with this topic first, I'll be able to see some improvements quickly, which will then help me feel better about myself and just be a springboard toward other areas of my life.