Obstacles to TTC

A lot of things have been going on lately in life, and they feel like obstacles to all of my goals, hopes and wants. In November, we had a preconception appointment with the high-risk clinic. Jon and I knew we weren’t ready to start trying, but knew that we could take care of this appointment so that when we are ready we’d already have a plan in place (more on this topic in a future post).

Since then, I’ve been working on getting my diabetes under better control, since if birth defects are going to happen during a diabetic pregnancy they tend to happen in the first trimester, so I want to make sure my sugars are IN CONTROL before we start trying. Then the cold hit, which skyrocketed my blood sugars and had me using a 170% temporary basal just to try to stay under 200 since the beginning of the year. Now I’m on antibiotics for a sinus infection and still having troubles keeping my numbers in check. How is my A1C ever going to come down if I’m running high all the time?

Jon went to his new doctor at the end of December and was referred to the medically managed weight loss program. Part of the process prior to getting an appointment is the clinic verifies insurance coverage. Luckily for us NOTHING related to weight loss is covered by our insurance. If Jon is in the program for 6 months, it will cost us $5000 out of pocket. Just when we refinanced our house to get our finances in order to bring home another child and we have just entered the “let’s rebuild our savings and pay-off debt” phase, we get hit with this. Don’t get me wrong, this is the BEST thing we can do for Jon’s lifelong health, but haven’t we been through enough stuff (infertility) that hasn’t been paid by insurance? And you can’t tell me that if Jon continued to stay overweight he wouldn’t cost a lot more in the long run than this $5000 that they aren’t covering. Add on to this that Jon wants to wait until he’s in the program and succeeding before trying to conceive again.

This is where my loss of hopes comes in. Initially after Gus was born, I knew I wanted to have some space between kids. My goal was that we would start trying around when Gus turned 2. Well, that was almost 5 months ago, and we are nowhere near ready to start trying again, especially when you consider that Jon’s initial assessment (before he even starts the program) doesn’t happen for another month. It just feels like I make strides forward, towards another rainbow, and then I just get slapped down and thrown onto the rocks with no help in getting back to that goal.

Why does it seem right now that no matter how much I want to have another child, it feels like all we are faced with is obstacles that are preventing us from trying?