Thursday, November 21, 2013

My brain is full

My emotions have calmed down, for now. It may have to do with the fact that I feel overwhelmed.

  • Jon and I have begun our every other day humping, so we'll see what happens in a few weeks, with the first HPT on 12/3. I'm completely expecting a negative.
  • I just found out today, willingly, that one of the teachers at Gus' preschool is pregnant following secondary infertility and IVF. My fingers are crossed that I will be able to be pregnant with her, instead of watching her pregnancy progress with me on the sidelines.
  • Jon's appointment is next Tuesday. I hope it goes well. I hope we get some answers soon, and that we can confidently move forward next year (if we don't get our miracle) with fertility treatments.
  • Gus is wonderful. Yes, he's 3, so he has his moments, but after a weekend with two separate playdates (one at our house and one at the friend's house) I've realized just how wonderful he is. I know that these two other boys are normal 3-year-olds, so I'm not trying to say anything negative about them. Friend M, compared to Gus, was NOT a good listener and had such a short attention span. I know that I've posted on here before about Gus not listening, but in perspective to what is more average, I'm damn lucky that Gus is as sensitive, helpful, logical and loving as he is. I just love him to pieces and am so grateful that he's mine here with me.
  • With the holidays approaching, I've really been missing my other kids. What would they be into right now? What would be on their Christmas lists? What would they say they are thankful for?
  • Yesterday I was in the van with Gus, driving him to school, when I heard him singing along to the song on the CD that he had requested we listen to--"Slice" by Five for Fighting. This was the first time I've heard him sing along to a song that wasn't specifically a kid's song. I smiled so hard it hurt, before I started crying because I'll never hear Oscar, Bella, Tittle or Firefly sing.
  • I can't believe that it's already November 20. I can't believe that Thanksgiving is next week. I can't believe that it's almost Christmas. It seems like time is moving so quickly and I'm just standing by watching it happen. I don't know how I'm going to get all the stuff done that I need to get done (shopping to finalize Christmas Lists, shopping for Christmas presents, writing and sending out Christmas letter, cleaning the house, keeping up with all the regular "home" stuff).
  • Next week will bring the 9th anniversary of Jon's and my first date. I can't believe it's been 9 years since that day.
  • I was able to meet a friend for dinner on Monday, and I'll be meeting another for lunch and a walk this Sunday. While I don't like being away from Gus, I'm grateful that I'm getting out, seeing my friends, and doing things for me.
  • I'm having issues getting my exercise in, and when I do get it in, my blood sugars are not cooperating. *sigh* I did get on the elliptical on Sunday and Tuesday, so I just need one more 20-minute session to meet my weekly goal. I've started off low with three 20-minute sessions per week.
  • On Monday I registered for a class, that won't begin until February, called Strong Women. I think I'll be the youngest person in the class, but will probably not be the strongest. This is the class description: Experience strength training that focuses on improving the health and well-being of middle-aged and older women by increasing strength, muscle mass and bone density. This program was developed by experts at Tufts University and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Strong Women is perfect for: Women ages 40+, strength improvement, fitness education. I'm not quite middle aged, and definitely not over 40, but I do need help focusing on improving my health and well-being, as well as increasing my strength, muscle mass and bone density, so we'll see how it goes. I hope I don't stick out really bad.


  1. You have a lot going on right now, it's no surprise your head is full and you're feeling emotional. I am missing my boy too these days...I had no idea how much pregnancy would renew many of those intense emotions.

    I am hoping for you that your time is coming soon!

    1. For my subsequent pregnancy, the beginning was "nice" because I could compare my pregnancies, but it was stressful waiting for bad stuff to happen. Then, when I surpassed the gestational age when Oscar and Bella was born, it was difficult, too, because I felt that much more separated from O&B, and that I was in uncharted territory and had no idea what to expect. I think subsequent pregnancies are just plain hard, no matter what.

  2. I'm so glad you have Gus, though I have an idea of how heartbreaking the singing must be...
    Fingers crossed for your next miracle - I hope you get it soon, one way or the other!