Friday, August 16, 2013

Hope is a bitch

Just when I had begun to feel hopeful that maybe Jon was right, that maybe this cycle we got pregnant, I've had some spotting.

I thought my OHSS symptoms were returning, but now I just feel foolish that I even thought that. I guess I was just over-eating and have put some weight on.

Why, why, why, did I let hope back in for this cycle? Why couldn't I have just stayed with the expectation that this cycle wouldn't work? I'm supposed to be getting everything ready for Gus' birthday party, and instead I'm trying to not just sit down, curl up and sob.

I hope I can pull myself together. Gus deserves a fully invested mom for his birthday celebration, and it's still another three days before the official test. I have to find some way to put this out of my mind so that I can focus on celebrating him and enjoy seeing how big Gus has grown. I potentially have the rest of my life to grieve a child that never was.


  1. I'm so sorry my friend. No matter how many times we go through the motions of preparing ourselves for the letdown, it never really eases the sting. I get it. Sending hugs.

  2. I am so sorry. Spotting dosen't mean the end for sure, so maybe John is still right. We are here for you either way.