Tick-Tock

It seems like time is moving so slowly, even with all that is about to happen the next four days. Part of me wants the time to just fly by, but the other part of me wants it to slow down.

Tomorrow will be 11dpo. At 11dpo last cycle I start spotting, and we all know how that turned out. I've already started dreading going to bathroom and focusing far too much attention to how I feel 'down there' so that I'm not 100% shocked if I see spotting tomorrow. Tomorrow is also the day that I have off work to prepare for Gus' birthday party. I'll be cleaning the house, buying the food and decorations, making the party favors, baking and decorating the cupcakes so that the 8 kids plus Gus have a fun time on Saturday.

Saturday morning is the party. There will be the 8 kids, plus parents, plus a few family members all coming to our house. Our 1452 sq. ft. house. It's not predicted to rain, but you never know what crazy things can happen. The party is planned to be outside in our garage and tiny yard, so if it rains, I'm not sure where all the people are going to fit.

Sunday is Gus' birthday. I can't believe he's three. I can't believe I've been lucky enough to be his mom and watch him grow and learn for the last three years. For his birthday we're going to do the initial shopping for his big boy room. We have a bit to do before he'll actually be in his room (which is a whole other mess of emotions for me. Short version: If we bring another child home, we would move Gus to bedroom 3. If we don't bring another child home we would leave Gus in bedroom 2. So, what do we do? Move him to bedroom 3 and if we don't bring another child home move him back to bedroom 2?). The first thing Jon and I need to do is clean out the other bedroom. At present it is the sewing room, office, storage room, so a lot of stuff needs to be sorted through and moved to new locations. Then we have to buy all the big boy stuff (mattress/box spring, headboard, chest, nightstand, bookcase, bedding, lamp). I think on Sunday I'll be happy if we purchase the bedding set and visit a couple furniture stores.

Monday is test day. I will take a hpt in the morning. If positive, I will call the fertility clinic when they open and hopefully go in for a beta on my way to work. Then it will be pins and needles until the results come in. If it's negative, I'm not sure how I'll feel. I've been thinking this entire time that this cycle isn't going to work, but just today hope has started to force itself in. My OHSS symptoms are starting to return a little bit. But is that really OHSS or is just me eating too much due to stress-eating? Regardless of the test results, Gus will have his 3-year photo shoot in the evening.

Like I stated earlier, so much is happening in the next four days. I want time to speed up and get these days over with so that I can test and be out of limbo, but I time has already gone too fast with Gus' life and I don't want it to go any faster. Is it possible to have both?