Tuesday, April 16, 2013

What's in my head and heart

I, apparently, have a lot on my mind. I'm sure several of these could be their own posts, but a bullet-list is all I have right now.
  • My heart has lifted somewhat. Gus was so thrilled when I was able to try on his completed kilt. His joy definitely helped with the sadness at not being able to do these types of things with Oscar, Bella and Tittle.
  • Gus is NOT sleeping very well, and hasn't been for about a week. I think it's because he has a cold, but man am I tired. During the last week he's gone to bed late, gotten up early and awakened us at 11:30am. This morning, after the alarm went off, Jon headed downstairs to exercise. Gus was already down in the living room, which means that he walked down our full flight of stairs IN THE DARK! We have no idea how long he'd been there, but we need to discuss bringing the gates back upstairs.
  • My exercise goal has failed miserably. It just is not working. I've lost about 6 pounds in the last two months just with small changes, so I think I'm going to maximize my small activities (taking stairs more frequently, running around with Gus, parking farther away) until I'm able to check in with my doctors again. 
  • My eye doctor says that I'm PERFECT! I've had diabetes for 30.5 years. I wear glasses/contacts (I was destined to, as both parents and all siblings wear them), have had two scares (which turned out to be benign), and I now have visual field tests every 6 months to make sure my eyes stay that way. At my last visual field (April 3), my doc told me that my eyes were absolutely perfect and I couldn't have done any better.
  • I'm getting nervous as we approach our appointment with our RE on Monday. Things will be different with a toddler at home (to keep my mind off of things), but I can already feel the anxiety/excitement of trying to be hopeful and realistic at the same time while doing treatments.
  • At Gus' birthday party three of the moms are pregnant. Part of me was really glad the kids were loud so that I didn't have to hear them talk, but part of me felt really isolated.
  • I'm aware that there was a bombing at the Boston Marathon yesterday, but I do not have it in me to watch any of the media. I'm sure the media is reporting the good and the bad of the bombing, but it's still the media, which is often known for going for ratings, rather than respect. I just feel so badly for all the people that are affected in any way from this.
  • Jon and I have finalized both girl and boy first names and girl middle name for our next child, but we are still working on a boy's middle name. Part of me hopes that this means we will have a girl. I so much want to parent a daughter on earth, but know that it may not happen. I'm okay with that, as I don't really have a choice, and I know I will be happy with a boy or a girl.
  • I am patiently waiting for spring to arrive. Spring means Jon, Gus and I can get out of the house more. We can be outside. We can run, play and Gus can (hopefully) learn to better ride his bike.
  • Now that Gus' kilt is done, I think I want to try my hand at making curtains for his room, but they'll need to be lined with darkening fabric. I have some research to do. And, if we move Gus to the other bedroom, we have an entire bedroom to decorate. Yikes!
  • My diabetes control is not where I want it to be. I remember how much time and effort went into keeping good control when I was pregnant last time, so I know that I can do it, but I'm going to need to come up with some new techniques for our next pregnancy, since last time I didn't have Gus demanding my attention.
  • I worry about Gus' reaction to a younger sibling. I know that he will want to be a big helper, but Gus is very much, at least right now, a mama's boy. I love that he loves me and wants me to do things, but there will come a time when I'm not going to be able to give him the time/attention that he wants and that I want to give him. I fear that as soon as another child comes home, it will be the end of the closeness that Gus and I have. I know that at some point Gus will begin to be a daddy's boy, and I feel like that time will start when we bring home a younger sibling.

No comments:

Post a Comment