This Easter has been.....unusual. Jon and I hosted Easter this year, something we haven't done before. Usually my eldest sister, whom we live closest to, invites us to spend Easter with her family. This year, though, she and her family were just coming home from a spring break vacation, so we were on our own. My dad, though, asked if he could come down for the weekend. Despite Jon's travel schedule, we agreed. We don't get to visit my family very often, so to have my Dad come down to spend time with us, and Gus, really meant a lot.
For the majority of the weekend, the focus was on Gus, letting him and my dad spend some time bonding and just behaving like your typical family. But I swear Oscar, Bella and Tittle played their part. Prior to my dad coming down, he let me know that he would want to attend a church service on Sunday morning. I'm not sure how he chose the church down here that he wanted to attend, but he asked if we could help him determine what time he should leave from our house, as he's not familiar with the local geography. To make things easy for him, we were going to do a test-drive on Saturday evening. As we were doing the test-drive, my dad stated that we could join him if we wanted to. Usually I pass on attending church, but instead of saying no, I asked Gus if we should go to church on Sunday; Gus said yes. So, we were committed to Easter church.
After dinner on Saturday, we got everything set up to dye our Easter eggs (the first time we've done this with Gus). We all, I think, had a fun time coloring eggs. While I was playing with Gus in the living room, Jon and my dad were prepping everything (getting the eggs out of the refrigerator, setting the dying liquid with spoons and paper towels). I'm not sure who brought up the idea, but when Gus and I went to the kitchen to start coloring eggs, I noticed that Jon had taken three of the eggs and written one for Oscar, one for Bella and one for Tittle. Side note: Jon actually wrote Tittla on Tittle's egg. I think Tittle was trying to sneak around as his big sister.
I felt a little bad, that I didn't think of doing anything for Oscar, Bella and Tittle as we celebrated Easter with Gus. The next morning, we all woke up and Gus "found" his Easter basket and we had a lovely, and "typical" Easter morning. We then all got ready and headed to church. I didn't really get to listen to the sermon much, because Gus wanted to be read to and kept asking questions about what was going on around us, but then the last song of the service began, and it was "Amazing Grace". Jon was holding Gus during this song, so I was actually able to sing (Gus usually tells us not to sing during songs). It was during this song that I felt such a strong connection to my first three children. I don't know what it was or why it happened, but I just couldn't stop thinking about them and feeling that they really do know how much I love and miss them. They know how much I love and miss them, even though so much of my thoughts and energies are used to take care of Gus.
I love Oscar, Bella and Tittle so much, and I miss them terribly. They know this, but what was confirmed for me yesterday was that even though I'm living life here, they are OKAY with me living life here until I can live life with them.