The waiting begins...

...and hoping that different doesn't mean bad.

This cycle has gone much differently than the last two, in which we conceived, but also suffered losses. This cycle we tried letting my body do it's thing, then went on to femara, then went on to follistim. As I type that, it reminds me a lot of the very first cycle we did with our fertility clinic, which ended with us not getting pregnant :(

Tuesday night we triggered. Yesterday morning we went in for an IUI so that sperm could be laying in wait for the egg to release from the follicle. This morning we were all set up to do an IUI so that fresh sperm could be introduced in coordination with ovulation. This is what we've done the last 2 times and we've gotten pregnant. But, the other doctor performed our IUI yesterday, so difference #1. this morning, I got to the clinic, and knew Jon was already there, so was waiting for him to come out of the room he was in. Out of the blue, I got a phone call from him. It wasn't going to work. He had tried for 40 minutes to produce a sample, but he was in too much pain and had rubbed his skin off. I asked to speak with someone, and we were told we could go home, try to produce a sample, return it to the clinic and continue with the IUI or if we couldn't get a sample, then we could have timed intercourse.

We went home with the collection cup and tried, but it didn't work. Tonight we will do TI, and then we wait. I've cried far too many tears today, and I'm sure there will be more. Is this God's sign that we should have done only one IUI and we will conceive this cycle? Is this just some cruel twist of fate that we have to go through infertility, get all lined up with follicles and trigger, just to not conceive because we can't get Jon's sperm?

Let me side-track that we have no male fertility issues. The sole reason for us needed fertility treatments is me. I'm the one that doesn't ovulate and needs the follistim. Jon's numbers from SA and 4 past IUI's have all been fine. Why, then, is he unable to produce a sample? Because he's getting healthy. He told me that ever since he lost all of his excess weight, it takes him longer to climax. On one hand, that's a good thing, but not when you're trying to relax in the doctor's office, knowing that lab staff is on the other side of the wall and that there's a dude in the room next to you doing the exact same thing you are. You want this to take as little time as possible. Plus the fact that you can't use any lubricant, at all!!!

So, we had a shorter stim period, had the other doctor do the insemination, only got to do one insemination the day before ovulation and will do TI tonight (about 12 hours after ovulation). And, since there's so much different about this cycle, I figured I'd just go ahead and test every day, instead of waiting until 2 weeks after ovulation like I did all the other cycles we've done. So, I stopped and picked up 15 pregnancy tests. I only need 14, but the three packs were on sale, with $1 coupons and $5 gift card when you buy 2. So, tomorrow I begin testing out my trigger shot. What the hell, huh? I'm hoping that we still conceive. I'm hoping that we conceive and have no losses. I'm hoping that we conceive a girl and have no losses. I just don't know how much hope I have right now.