Friday, October 14, 2016

Capture Your Grief 2016-Day 14: Beliefs+Spriituality

This post is part of Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief.

Has the death of your child strengthened or changed your beliefs? Share as much or as little as you like. Please be respectful to the beliefs of others today. We are all in this together and our differences are what make this project so beautifully interesting. Choose kindness.

I don't think the deaths of my children changed my beliefs at all. My beliefs changes when Jon and I were undergoing infertility treatments. That was the first time ever in my life that I truly prayed. I so wanted to be pregnant. I remember standing in the shower and just praying that the current cycle we were on would result in a pregnancy. I don't remember WHAT cycle that was, but it was definitely before Oscar and Bella. Prior to infertility I was definitely an atheist after being very loosely "raised" Catholic. In 2nd grade, I decided that there was no god. None, whatsoever. But, then infertility hit and I found myself praying in the shower to conceive. And we did! But then Oscar and Bella died. And then Tittle died. And then Firefly died.

I have to believe that I will see them again. That I will get to know them, personally, one day. I say they are in Heaven, but what this is I don't know. I just know that when we see beautiful skies they are saying "Hi" and that I will meet them again some day.

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