This post is part of Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief.
To me, my son is a beautiful mystery. I gave birth to him and yet I never knew him. I sometimes allow myself to imagine that he is alive in another time and space and that we are all together. If it is not too painful, allow yourself to imagine who your child would be now. What would they be like? What would they be passionate about. Tell a wild, beautiful story about them.
It is painful to think about what Oscar, Bella, Tittle and Firefly would be like because so much time has passed that it makes it harder and harder to know who they would be if they were here. I always think of Oscar as the prim and proper, rule-follower, no-nonsense all-business type kid, but would he have a silly side to him? Would Bella be the drama queen we thought she'd be? Would Tittle truly love camo and sneaky things? And Firefly, would she be as flashy?
As I sit here typing this, and imagine my kids if they were alive today, this is what I see.
Oscar would like school, he would like science and techy things. He would be quite and reserved. But when his real smile came out it would be broad and full of life; his eyes would sparkle. And I could totally see him wanting to wear bow ties.
Bella would be good in school, but her favorite part would be the socialization. She would be into fashion and would plan her outfits out so they were just right. She would be outspoken and not quiet. She would be opinionated and stubborn, but she would love with her whole heart.
Tittle would be our trickster. The one who would hide in clothing racks at a store so he could jump out and surprise you. He would be the one I'd worry about running into the street without looking because he would be too busy living life to check for traffic. He would do okay in school, but would much rather be EXPERIENCING things, rather than sitting inside a school learning about stuff.
Firefly would be our quiet one, but when she spoke it would be profound and from deep in her heart. She would be able to sense emotions, and if someone needed someone, she would slip in, grab a hand and just sit until she could tell the person was doing a little bit better, with nothing exchanged other than the sharing of emotions. Her hands would be soft, her hugs warm and her kisses at bedtime sweet. I don't know why, but I just keep thinking she would be like glitter in the rain.