Alone

I'm feeling in a really bizarre place. I know that it has to do with Firefly and my unresponsiveness this cycle, but that doesn't make me feel any less bizarre.

And really, what do I mean by bizarre? I think I mean isolated. Ever since Gus was born, we haven't really been able to see our friends like we could before he was around. Gus drives our schedule, and with a bedtime routine that starts at 7pm, that doesn't leave room for a lot of post-work getting together with friends. That leaves the weekends. Well, weekends are when we want to relax, do the grocery shopping, clean, run errands, which, again, doesn't really leave time for getting together with friends.

Jon and I are getting together tonight with one set of friends, and I've emailed another to see if she wants to get together, so I'm trying to make progress towards not feeling isolated, but I don't like that we've gotten to this point. It feels like even when I'm with my friends, I have nothing to talk about with them because I don't want to bring everyone down with the stuff I want to talk about (being sad, feeling down, just because I have a rainbow at home doesn't mean it's not challenging and causes me guilt that it's challenging).

*sigh* That pretty much sums up how I've been feeling lately. I miss my friends, but I don't feel like I'm a very good friend, so I don't reach out to them, because they should have better friends than I've been and I don't want to waste their time.