Sunday, June 30, 2013

The TWW begins

Well, the IUI's are done and the two week wait has officially begun.

While we were able to complete both IUI's this cycle, Jon's sample on Saturday was really not very good. We're not sure if it's just his body adjusting to going back to eating regular food or what, but I'm really glad that we had the IUI on Friday, as his numbers were much better, so that there were sperm waiting for the egg to release.

I'm having very waffling feelings this cycle. With Oscar's and Bella's cycle, I didn't really have any feeling one way or another. During Gus and Tittle's cycle, I was so convinced that it was going to work that the wait didn't SEEM to be that long. With Firefly's cycle, well, you all know how I felt about that one. With this cycle, I keep waffling. I think with how much we had to work to get our one, lone follicle, that it means we'll get a positive. I think that with the timeline that I referenced, it will lead to a positive. I think that with what happened with these IUI's that we'll conceive a girl. But then I have worries.

I worry that I'm just setting myself up for hurt because I'm trying to think positively when this cycle won't work anyway. I worry that I injected the ovidrel into scar tissue in my leg, which would have affected my absorption rate, which then led to me ovulating later than what it typical, so that the IUI's were completed at the wrong time. I worry that this cycle will be negative, we'll have to cycle again, but we won't have any reason why Jon's numbers were so low on Saturday and we'll have to deal with MFI as well as me not ovulating.

For right now, I'm really, really trying to keep myself even. I'm trying to tell myself that what's done for this cycle is done. No matter how much I worry or fret, there is nothing I can do any longer to affect a positive pregnancy test. We'll see how long that mantra will keep me calm.

Next week we'll be making a trip to my mom's and step-dad's cottage for Independence Day, so that should help make those days pass, but then Jon will be gone for work the next week. I'm not sure if that's going to make the time go faster, as I'll be the sole parent, so won't have much down-time to think about everything, or will time go slower, because the days will seem to be really long and drag out? I'm hoping for the former.

I've decided to not test prior to the official HPT. The testing out my trigger and subsequent tests did not make me feel any better, or relieve stress, or elicit anything good, so I'm just going to wait the wait. Our test day will be Saturday, July 13, the day after Jon returns home. And, since I have no HPT's in the house, and I won't have time to buy any before Jon flies out, one of us will just have to head out on Friday night to test the next morning.

Please send me calming thoughts, positive thoughts, patient thoughts and, did I say, POSITIVE thoughts?

6 comments:

  1. It is so hard, that balance of trying to stay positive while not wanting to get your hopes too high in the event of the feared let down. If it helps, I have more than enough positivity for you, and will keep sending good thoughts your way my friend. Roll on July 13th! xx

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    1. Thank you, Sadie. I'm pretty much taking it hour by hour. If I'm at a negative point I just try to take a deep breath and focus on something else, which seems to help.

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  2. Ugh, the 2ww is the hardest part. Hopefully the next couple of weeks are as stress free as possible. I'm rooting for you. xoxox

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    1. Thanks, Jenn. I'm really glad I had an appointment with my counselor yesterday. If nothing else, I was able to cry a bunch, get my fears/concerns out of my head and heart and release some stress to help with the rest of the TWW.

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  3. Thinking of you and hoping these two weeks fly by quickly!!

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    1. Thank you so much. I hope so, too.

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