Sunday, July 7, 2013

Holiday Away

We just got back today from a weekend away for Independence Day, and it couldn't have been better timing.

We left on Wednesday morning and headed up to my mom's and step-dad's cottage. This is where Jon and I were married. This was where Oscar and Bella experienced their first and only fireworks, as they were born weeks after Independence Day. This is where Gus has been only a handful of times (it's a 4-hour drive without any stops), but where I want him to have fun and make memories like what I have of sending time at my grandparent's cottage.

During our two days at the cottage, Gus had so much fun. He went "fishing", which entailed casting with a hookless lure. He was able to play a super fun game of "hat ball", where he took his sunhat, pretended it was a ball and played catch with Grandpa Joe, which elicited the joyful laughter that children have. He was able to play on the beach, make sand castles and walk into the lake all on his own, with a look of accomplishment when the water got all the way up to his waste. He went for paddleboat rides with me and Jon. Jon took him out in the rowboat, where he was able to see a loon. He helped Jon build a fire and we each had our very first pudgie pies. He got to test sleeping in a BIG big boy bed (a double) and he did awesome. He got to stay up late and see his very first fireworks. It didn't hit me until just now, that Gus' first post-birth fireworks, ones he'll actually remember (I made Jon take me to fireworks when we were pregnant with Gus, but didn't want to travel too far away from home, so the cottage was out of the question), happened at the same place that Oscar's and Bella's did.

When we were pregnant with Gus, I wanted to find as many similarities between Oscar and Bella and Gus, so that there would be sibling commonalities. Now that Gus is almost three, I think I've long ago stopped looking for ways to allow them to have shared experiences. With Oscar and Bella, before we knew they would be born early, we weren't going to share names prior to their birth; we did this for Gus. I watched fireworks over July 4 when pregnant; I needed to do this with Gus. When it was time for professional photos of Gus, we went to the photographer that took the pictures of Oscar and Bella. Part of me is sad that I've stopped looking for ways to connect all my kids, but part of me is glad that I didn't notice that I stopped, so that when I realize they have a new connection, it's a good surprise.

After our two days at the cottage, we headed to my dad's and step-mom's house, where we spent one night. Gus was able to really bond with Grandma Donna. They took the dog for a walk, he got to hold the leash, and they took turns telling stories to each other. Then, when they came home, they had a snack together in the basement and spent another hour playing. Then, in the morning, after another great night of sleeping in a BIG big boy bed, he asked Grandma if she wanted to eat breakfast outside with him, during which they played I Spy.

With the change in location, change in people, change in scenery and change in schedule, I haven't really had time to think about the fact that we're in the TWW. But, this morning Jon flew out for a business trip. He will be gone until dinner on Friday. Which means that I'll have this entire week, with a routine-like schedule, just waiting, waiting, and waiting until Saturday morning when we test. And the anxiousness has already begun. I'm hoping that this next week flies by, not only so that Jon gets back home, but so that we can test.

And I'm waffling. There are some times when I'm convinced that I'm pregnant, then others where I think I know that this cycle will be negative and we'll have to go through another treatment cycle, where I'll be worried about what my lining is doing, how many follicles I'm growing and what Jon's numbers will be at IUI time.

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