It's Official: Chemical Pregnancy

The beta hCG this morning wasn't really necessary, as I started spotting red last night and had some major cramping, but Jon and I still wanted the blood test this morning to make sure my hcg levels were coming down appropriately...and they are. My beta this morning was 3.7.

I know in my previous post I wrote about how I was struggling with my feelings about this pregnancy. I think my feelings have settled down. I think there will always be a special place in my heart for this pregnancy. For two short days I thought we were going to have another child, but then when the first beta came back I disconnected myself myself and no longer associated this pregnancy with a child.

Between the time that I knew I was pregnant with a low beta and totally disconnected, I already associated an animal with this pregnancy: a firefly. I don't know much about fireflies, but I do know that when it's dark out, and so are they, you see them for a short time, and then they're gone. At least for now, that's how I'm thinking of this pregnancy. Not a child, but not a failed cycle.

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I spoke with our RE and we do not have to wait to try again. So, I go in on Wednesday for a CD3 u/s and labs. When I asked him what we were going to do about dosing, he kind of chuckled and told me that was a very good question :) I think by starting at 50 we stimmed too fast, and that could have contributed to the incomplete implantation. But, would starting at 25 be too low of a dose and not grow any follicles? After a short discussion, I am going to start with 50 units on Wednesday, 25 on Thursday, 50 on Friday and 25 on Saturday, so that it averages out to 37.5units/day. Then, we go in on Sunday (Father's Day) for our next u/s. Fingers crossed that this works to grow ONE follicle at a nice (not too fast, not too slow) pace.