Jealousy

Today was supposed to be a day filled with activity to keep my mind off of my impending official HPT, but it turned out to be really not.

The day was filled with stuff, but not in a way that helped. Gus was invited to a birthday party over lunchtime, which I thought would be fun, he'd be playing, there would be other parents there that I knew, there would be conversation to keep my brain activated, except for how many pregnant people were there, and children with one girl and one boy at home or on the way.

The hosts have a girl at home and are expecting, gender unknown.

One family has a girl at home and is expecting a boy (their middle child, a girl, is with Oscar, Bella and Tittle).

One family has a boy at home and just brought home a girl.

One family has a boy and girl and home.

One family has a boy at home and is expecting.

There were the other families there: a mom and daughter (grade-school), a woman who came by herself and us.

So, of all the guests, there were 5 families that were reminding me of what I so want, and definitely not a way to keep my mind off of our 2ww. This jealousy sucks. These are friends and acquaintances, whose children Gus likes to play with. I want to be able to be invited to and host play dates with these families and not be green with envy by what they have, even if my envy is only temporary (fingers-crossed that our test is positive on Thursday).

When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, we didn't really know many people (maybe one) that was trying to have kids, so I've never really experienced the "infertile surrounded by fertile" situation that I'm in. I guess I shouldn't have expected that I'd be so lucky to completely avoid being in this position. I guess I'll just have to accept what's around me, even if I'm jealous of it.