Thursday, February 6, 2014

Firefly's Unfulfilled Due Date

Today was Firefly's functional due date. Because of my Type 1 diabetes, if I hadn't delivered by today (39w) I would be induced.

I'm not really sure how I feel about today. With Oscar and Bella, we knew that we were pregnant by their due date, so that softened the blow immensely, and it felt like after their due date passed I had some relief because I felt free to celebrate our rainbow pregnancy.

With Tittle and Gus, I really didn't feel any negative or bittersweet emotion because Gus was born, he was here, safe, in my arms.

And how here we are with Firefly's unfulfilled due date. I think yesterday's test definitely helped with today not feeling so distraught, but...maybe I'm not that hung up on unfulfilled due dates. We honor Oscar's and Bella's birthday, we honor the date we found out Tittle died, we celebrate Gus' birthday, I will honor the day we know we lost Firefly. I think I'm more concerned with the real and tangible dates than the possible dates. And you know what? I think I'm okay with that. Yes, I'm feeling sad that I could have another baby right now, but I don't know when that date would exactly be. So, I will stop to take note of today, think of Firefly, be grateful I have Gus at home with me, cautiously excited that Bean is growing, and continue to look for signs from all my kids like I do every day.

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