There is a secret group on facebook that is for people from our local support group that are pregnant with their rainbows. The day we found out we were pregnant with Bean, Jon asked if I was okay if he made a request to join the group (note: Jon and I share a fb account). We were added by one of the two administrators, we (both) were welcomed to the group. Then, on Friday, we were sent a message from the other administrator asking that Jon not post or respond to anything in the group because it's only for women.
I'm pissed. For a few reasons. Jon made the initial request to join the group. He should have been told then that it was only for me. Then we could have been given the choice to join or not, without disclosing to more than one person (or 2 if the co-administrators needed to discuss is before deciding to let us in) that we're pregnant.
Jon is the one that needs support right now, not me. I'm not at a point where this is real, so it is actually detrimental to be a part of this group right now. So, I'm now part of a group in which Jon can't get support and I don't need to be included.
When the initial administrator added us to the group, she welcomed both of us, which means that either 1) someone complained or 2) the other administrator is the one who doesn't want Jon in the group. I'm thinking it's #2.
I'm SUPER pissed off that both of the administrators this it's okay to discriminate against Jon (and all men). They are going through this pregnancy, too!
Now, I must admit that Jon is not your typical man. He is fine discussing his fears and thoughts on grief, child loss and rainbow pregnancies, which many men are not. Many men are taught that it's not okay to be emotional. That it's not okay to cry. That a "real man" needs to be stoic. Well, Jon is not one of these men, for which I'm extremely grateful. But, because the majority of men are NOT like Jon, he now has nowhere, absolutely nowhere to go to for support. Nobody IRL, not the support group to which he was accepted and then shunned, not any support group online or facebook.
I'm pissed that the #1 support person cannot have the support he needs and wants because he has a penis instead of a vagina.
Well it doesn't sound much like a support group to me. So sorry they are acting like this.
ReplyDeleteThanks. They support the women, just not the men.
DeleteHow about he starts his own group? In this case necessity can be the fatherhood of invention-or in this case conception of a support group :)
ReplyDeleteThat was suggested by the person that sent us the message. The thing is, he's tried doing men's events already, and he's only gotten a lackluster response (4 people at the most) which has really hurt Jon since he's organizing things, but not getting anyone really interested.
DeleteI'm sorry for the support situation. That doesn't seem fair.
ReplyDeleteBut hey, you're pregnant! Congratulations! I must have missed that post.
Thank you. We have our 7w u/s on 2/26, so it's a waiting game until then.
DeleteThat's really shitty. Sometimes I feel bad for the guys because they really are given the message throughout the whole process that they are minimally necessary. You would think that people in similar situations would understand.
ReplyDeleteI know! And it's so not true. They've lost the same kids the women have. They have the same/similar emotions about another pregnancy!
DeleteI am in a few TTCAL/rainbow groups. Do you want me to see if they'd be open to Dads?
ReplyDelete