Monday, January 27, 2014

Still waiting

I thought I was doing okay during this wait, but I don't think I'm doing as well as I had hoped.

Today ends 5dpIUI. It's another 8 excruciating days I have to wait before I can test. Sure, I have some cheap internet tests I can use, but I wouldn't start those for another 5 days to make sure the ovidrel is out of my body, and do I really want to do that to myself--testing every day staring at that one line waiting and waiting and waiting for that 2nd one to show up?

This is what I mean when I say I'm not doing as well as I had hoped. I hoped that I would be able to remain negative during this TWW, that I wouldn't let hope enter, that the wait would fly by because I would have no expectation that this cycle would actually work.

I was super sore the day of the IUI, but was not as sore the next day. I'm somewhat bloated, but is it the beginnings of OHSS or am I just getting fat? Am I truly short of breath or am I having shallower breathing due to the stress of waiting? I've been having some scary low blood sugars, so what do I do? Search Google hoping to see that low blood sugars are a sign of fertilization. What I've actually found is that increased estrogen can make one more sensitive to insulin. Since my E2 the morning of trigger was 2700, that explains the lows I've been having. I keep having this rollercoaster of thinking something could be a sign, only to come across information that discounts that and makes me feel silly for even thinking there's any hope.

The weekend "helped". Saturday we honored Tittle, so my mind was occupied for much of the day, so my mind wasn't able to wander. Sunday I met up with a friend and her two kids. While I did get to vent about what was going on, I was also talking with her about what was going on with her, so my brain was, again, occupied. It's when I'm sitting at work all day that I'm having the hardest times and my brain wanders the most. I do need to think while I'm at work and engage my brain, but I have so many different things that I do, that my brain is frequently occupied, but only for short periods of time. It's between these tasks, and while I'm doing the more mundane parts of my work, that my brain goes straight to being nervous, anxious and over-analyzing things. It's times like this that I wish I had some really good coping techniques to just turn my brain off.

1 comment:

  1. No matter what we tell ourselves regarding the TWW it never lasts. We think we will be strong, or not think about testing, or not pay attention to every maybe symptom...but we do. You're not alone, and are in fact perfectly normal! Hugs.