2013 Christmas

Monday (Dec. 23) was a regular work day for us, so it was a nice buffer as we headed into the holiday.

Jon and I headed to see my family (3 hours away) in the morning on Dec. 24. We arrived at my mom's house, unpacked, had lunch, put Gus to nap, got caught up with my mom and step-dad, then headed over to my dad's and step-mom's for prime rib dinner. I was surprised that during my dad's prayer he didn't say anything about my grandpa (or our kids), but perhaps he was protecting himself and his heart. We ate, we cleaned up, we prepped for opening Christmas presents and I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at home, pregnant, enjoying the quiet (as much quiet as can be had with a 3-year-old at home) awaiting the arrival of our 2nd rainbow.

We finished the evening and headed back to my mom's and step-dad's. Gus helped prep the cookie, cocoa and lettuce for Santa and the reindeer, we put him to bed and we stayed up waiting for my sister to deliver my purse that I had forgotten at my dad's house. I was so tired, emotionally, and I hit my limit on Christmas Day.

Gus woke us up, we headed downstairs and he opened his gift from Santa (as requested, a new Christmas shirt) and gifts from my mom and step-dad. We then lazed around waiting for other family (my siblings and their kids, my step-siblings and their kids). I was told the day before that my step-brother would be there with his 4 kids, the youngest being only 5 days old. While their 3rd was opening his gifts, my mom whispered that she was giving him the quilt that had originally been purchased for Oscar and Bella. (Side note: When we were pregnant with Oscar and Bella, my mom bought 2 quilts off our registry. When we were pregnant with Gus, she asked if we still wanted the quilt. We said that we did, so we do have on of them that we did use with Gus. The quilt being unwrapped that morning was the second quilt.)

By the time brunch was being served (around 12pm) I had had enough. I went in the bathroom and had a good cry. Jon kept trying to ask me what was wrong, but I knew that if I answered, it would be all tears again. I didn't want to do that. After Gus was done eating, I took him upstairs, put him down for nap, and retreated to the room that Jon and I were staying in. I stayed up there and played a mindless game on my phone. I didn't want to be downstairs. I had no happy, celebratory, Christmas joy to share with anyone. I should NOT have been there to even experience the day, yet there I was, not pregnant.Jon eventually came upstairs to check on me, because I had been gone for so long, and I was able to fill him in on how I was feeling.

Eventually Gus woke from nap, we packed up and headed back to my dad's house, where we were going to get to see extended family on his side, including my grandma. As we were finishing our time at my dad's house, I was saying good-bye to my grandma. She was the ONLY person, on Dec. 24, 25 and 26, who said anything about Firefly or trying again. What she said wasn't the most sensitive thing to say, but at least she said something. She acknowledged that I may be having a hard time emotionally. I'm so grateful for my grandma, especially as this is her first Christmas without her husband and she was comforting me.

December 26 came and with it the realization that I was to be 33w pregnant that day, which is also my mom's birthday. My mom likes to go shopping on her birthday, so I only saw her briefly in the morning. We packed up lazily and headed to my Dad's in time for lunch. We had an okay time, but it was really more for Gus that we stayed; he really loves playing with his cousin. He loves is so much, that Keegan rode with us back home and spent the night at our house; Gus' first sleepover. Gus loved it and loves Keegan so much.

December 27 was when Gus opened our Christmas present to him. He had such a good time, but he had, I think, too many presents to open. We also used Gus' Christmas money to buy more magna-tiles. So, Gus is all outfitted with toddler-sized headphones, magna-tiles, legos, art supplies and one 10-pack of Disney's Cars books, which as of today (Jan. 1) we've read all 10 books about 8 times. Since the 27th, preschool has been closed and Jon and I have both been off work. It's been so nice to not really have to deal with the real world. I can cry when I need to and laze around when I want to, It's been wonderful spending so much time with Jon and Gus, using my cookbook and baking supplies to cook with Gus (so far we've done Christmas cookies, banana bread, banana cream pie and peanut butter cookies). And I guess that's been the best Christmas present I could ask for.