I'm now one week through my TWW and I'm still as anxious as ever.
I was half-tempted to test this morning, to celebrate making it one whole week, but I didn't see how that would do me any good. If the test was negative, it would just mean the trigger had officially left my body. If it was positive, it would just mean the trigger had not officially left my body. No substantial or concrete news would have been confirmed by a test this morning. I'm still debating whether I'm just swollen or fat. It's to the point that with one pair of pants I have to wear my belt a hole looser, and the pants I'm wearing today I had to do the rubberband trick in order to get them fastened. I've already decided that if I'm not pregnant, I'm going to refocus my energy to exercise. Not having my clothes fit because I'm pregnant is one thing. Not having my clothes fit because I'm getting fat, is not something I'm happy with. It will mean a lot of tough work, managing diabetes and getting up early, but I'm hating the way my non-pregnant body's looking these days.
Yesterday during the day I kept thinking about how it felt like I wasn't as bloated, but by the end of the night, I looked like I did when I was 3-4 months pregnant with Gus. Today, I'm again feeling like I'm not as bloated (right now) as I had been earlier. I'm still having the "shallower" breathing, but I don't think it's OHSS-related; I think it's just stressing out over waiting for another week.
To top it off, Jon found a job to apply for. The description sounded very appealing to Jon, so he pursued it, knowing that it might not pay enough, they might not like him for the job, or he might not like it once he found out more information. Today was the initial phone interview, and he said he felt good after it was done. The next step would be an in-person interview in which they would want me and Gus to come, too. The salary that Jon provided that he'd like was in the range they were thinking, which would make it so that I could be a SAHM (I'm not sure how I feel about that). All this sounds great, right? It would mean selling our house, moving to another state that is 4.5 hours from where we currently live, 7 hours from my hometown and in the middle of nowhere. We would need to live in a town that's only 4000 people. The nearest mall is 25 minutes away. The nearest RE is 2 hours away! And what about if we get pregnant before we move (assuming Jon gets an offer and accepts)? Nearest NICU, MFM, endocrinologist? I grew up in a small town, but the nearest big city was a 10-minute drive and was around 100,000 people. Currently, I live in a city that is 233,000 people. I'm used to the big city conveniences. I'm used to having choices in movie theaters, where they play more than one movie! I'm used to having a McDonald's in the same place that I live!
A lot needs to happen before any type of decision would really need to be made (in-person interview or 2, job offer, thorough research of where we'd have to live). This potential job prospect is helping Jon focus on something other than the TWW, but it's causing me stress during an already stressful time. I want to support Jon, but I also don't want to be super stressed out, either. I really need a future fairy right about now, so I can ask her what's going to happen.