Capture Your Grief Day 11: Emotional Triggers

This post is part of Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief.

What triggers emotions associated with grief for you? Is it the weather? A scent? Places? Holidays? Words? Certain people?

Depending on how I'm feeling at any particular moment, there are so many things that can trigger my grief emotions. The four strongest ones are 1) to see or hear about twins, 2) to see or hear about what 4-year-olds are doing, 3) seeing Gus experience a major milestone and 4) seeing girly girls.

1. I have two sets of twins, yet I don't get to raise either set here. I want to know what it's like to deal with two rambunctious 4-year-olds. Or try to handle two 3-year-olds having a joint tantrum. I want to feel both of my hands being held by my children as we walk down the sidewalk, through a store, or across the street to check the mail. Hearing about families that DO get that experience brings my grief to the surface and makes me miss Oscar, Bella and Tittle even more than usual.
2. To see, meet and experience kids that are close in age to Oscar and Bella is very difficult. It is an in-my-face reminder of everything that I am missing out on by not being able to raise them here. An outsider's view of the things we should be doing, learning and experiencing together.
3. To see Gus reach major milestones is also an emotional trigger for me. For everything that he does, I am reminded of everything that Oscar, Bella and Tittle are not doing.
4. Jon and I think that Bella would have been a girly-girl, wanting to wear tutus, nail polish, tiaras, make-up and would need her clothes and hair to be just right before we could leave the house. So, anytime I see anything super girly, I miss Bella a little extra more.