Where are you in your grief right now? How are you feeling? How far have you come? Are you wrestling with anything? Is your heart heavier or lighter now?
How far have I come in my grief? I don't know. I don't think that grief can be measured in this way since grief is a roller coaster. Do I still cry because I have dead children and I miss them? Yes. Do I cry as often? It depends on what is going on around me in my life. Can I think of my heavenly children without crying? Yes, but that's doesn't mean that something can't come across my path that sends me to tears in an instant.
I think the me that I am now is probably going to be how I will be for the rest of my life. Missing the ones that aren't, having fun with the ones that are, creating memories in their honor and loving all of them. I think that right now I'm like this picture. There is a bright spot, but it is threatened by the darkness that surrounds it. My "living life" the one where I can enjoy moments and laugh and make jokes is the bright clouds, but the grief is always there, surrounding everything and is a constant reminder that at any moment I could be in the depths of grief again and terribly missing who isn't here.
This picture so perfectly captures all of what you've written. Sometimes a picture really does speak a thousand words... Hugs to you Brianna.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sadie, so much.
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