Friday, October 4, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 4: Legacy

This post is part of Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief. 

Do you believe your child left a legacy behind? It could be something very simple but meaningful.

I believe the legacy my children left behind is housed in me and in Gus. I'm a different mom because of my other kids, and because of this Gus is being raised differently. Gus is learning that you can have family beyond the people that live in our house. Gus will learn to help others through the donations that we give in honor of his siblings. Gus has learned that it's okay to cry when you're missing someone. Gus is beginning to learn that death is not a taboo subject, and that it's okay to openly talk about those who are dead.

I don't know what kind of mom I'd be to Oscar, Bella and Tittle, but I do know that I parent Gus in a more relaxed way than I think I would have parented Oscar and Bella, or Tittle and Gus together. Gus doesn't know the phrase "inside voice". While I don't let him be loud without limit, I don't care that he's wild and loud sometimes, because I know that there should be two kids of the same age making all sorts of noise. I allow myself to be sillier with Gus than I think I would have if some of my children didn't die. I think because of Oscar, Bella and Tittle, I've let go of the self-consciousness of being silly with Gus. I don't get to be silly with the others, so I delight in getting to be silly with Gus.

I could go on and on about the different specific things that I think I do differently because I don't get to parent my other kids here, but that's the thing. I'm different because of them. Because I'm different because of them, Gus is different than he would have been had Oscar, Bella and Tittle not died before he was born. 

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